I remember being about 7 years old and probably in the 2nd grade, feeling like I didn't fit in. I was not the most popular. I definitely was not the most athletic and I was not the prettiest. I did know who held each of these titles. I never tried to obtain one of these titles, I kind of just stood back behind everyone observing. As I look back now through these eyes and memories of an old woman in her 60's I remember quite well how being exceptionally ordinary felt. And now I've just come to realize I was not the smartest in class either. My fears, were never being able to claim any of these titles. Even as a child I knew how important it was to stand out in something, anything. I didn't. This feeling of unexceptional ordinariness lasted until I was about 14 or 15 then I met my husband.
Fast forward to my first child and the beginning of all my greatest fears far surpassing any I'd had during youth and teenage years. These fears can only surpass the prior ones after they have been experienced because parenting should have the warning label " You will experience a new fear daily should you decide to embark on this adventure" Proceed with caution because becoming a parent will consist of experiencing some of our greatest fears. The fears everyone knows about and quite frankly expects are the illnesses the fears your child we have a disease etc. Oh but the ones we have no idea about are the ones we have no control over. Even as I re-read that sentence it makes no sense twice I re-read it. On the first day of kindergarten my biggest fear was that my child would not be accepted by other children, that they would be ostracized left out and nothing I could do as a parent could fix that. By the time they are 5 you've kissed all the scrapes held them through all the fevers and coughs and scared away all the boogymen. But can they hold their own? Can they make friends? Will they make friends? Will they be popular? Have you taught them how to accept and be accepted by others? Have you taught them tolerance? Have you taught them different is not better and not worse it is just different?
Fears, I am a grandmother now and as I watch my children struggle with their fears about their children my grandchildren. Ive come to realize that IF I've taught my children all of the above they won't have to worry too much. We just have to hope our children learn that as they grow up the fears will change and that those fears will most likely be about those whom you love. Today my fears are about my children they are in their 40's but in saying that I can also say that my mothers biggest fears are for her children, and she is in her 80's.
My mother recently met up with a long lost friend and at the end of their catch-up my mother stated that she had won the lottery, her friend exclaimed " Oh my gosh that's wonderful Gloria, how much did you win?" My mother said " Oh no we won the lottery of life, I have the most amazing children I am so proud of all of them, they are all happy, healthy successful adults"
